Meditation: To Meditate or not to meditate?

I started a daily meditation practice in 2006, after I had crashed my bike during a long training ride in preparation for Ironman Canada. The concussion I sustained from the crash left me scrambling to pull my life back together. I struggled to get “back to normal” and could not understand that there was no going back, that I was now a new person and had to learn to live forward from there.

Why I got started with Meditation

At one of my follow up neuropsych tests, after the concussion, the doctor recommended I start meditating to begin to repair my mind and reduce the anxiety I felt about getting my old life back. I had been interested in buddhist meditation for about ten years before that and so I started researching and testing out the practice.

Shamatha – Meditation style

At first, I started with only 2 minutes, then built up to 5 minutes and 10 minutes and eventually was able to sit for 15 or 20 minutes after about one year. The practice I followed was called shamatha which means concentration. I concentrated on my third eye to the exclusion of all thought. Over time, I did experience oneness with the universal mind but the practice made me very uptight and grumpy rather than calming or soothing.

The other problem with this practice was that I was becoming very ungrounded, living entirely in my head. I had no connection with my throat and heart and I noticed I had a very tight throat all the time. I also felt like I was meant to be doing more with the practice but had no one to ask. I continued to meditate this way for 15 years but was less and less convinced the practice was beneficial.

Grief as teacher

What really clinched the end of my buddhist meditation journey was the death of our dog, Chesney. The buddhist description of the death process included experiencing many hell realms and many painful levels of mental and physical anguish and this just didn’t help me process the grief I felt about Chesney’s death at all. In fact, the more I imagined Chesney going through all these terrible things as he transitioned through death, the more my heart broke.

The Contrast

It was in concert with losing interest in my practice and feeling worsening anxiety, I began mindset training and came across the Practical Magic summit and suddenly awakened into my spiritual gifts. I now understand this is how my journey in this life works for me. I had to go through years of contrast to be prepared for the spiritual awakening!

Meditation vs Visualization

I could say I went through 15 years of meditating that it didn’t serve me but I did experience the universal mind and this prepared me for my spiritual awakening. Now, I don’t meditate at all! Instead, I visualize fun, magical adventures and experiences that bring me joy and happiness. I connect with my chakras before I start the visualization, I ground myself in Planet Earth and feel supported and loved first.

I offer a variety of visualizations for my clients to help them develop their spiritual gifts. If you’d like to learn more about how to use visualization to create a life you love, book a call with me at www.vickymcgrath.ca